Still, many people who visit here are people I don't know, or people who I know only over the world of the internet (of course there are a few of you out there that I do actually know). This means that the world I present on my blog can actually appear as my real life. I mean, except for those few people I know out there, all you really know about me is what you see here, or what I choose to put here.
When I blog, I can put aside the fact that I am a relatively quiet person who enjoys a chat with a friend over a loud party. Each time I push that publish button, I put myself out there, hoping that someone likes my photos, or my words, or my ideas. We challenge our children's creativity and thinking constantly, I guess this blog is my challenge, my push outside the comfort zone. I suppose putting a little pressure on myself once in a while isn't a terrible thing. And the best part, there are other people out there like me: reflecting on their lives and then sharing them out there or commenting and sharing their thoughts here.
When I read back over my blog, the one overwhelming feeling I get is - wow - the person living that life seems so cool, oh wait a second, that is actually me. I always have happy kids who are engaged in meaningful activities, our yard is endlessly fruitful with beauty at every turn, and the only problems that occur are actually blessings in disguise that lead to deeper understanding and meaning in life. I have a vision of how the day unfolds for the person who lives this life. She gets up before the kids, writes a blog post, greets her family with hugs and cups of tea, sings songs while they dress, and then proceeds to lead them through a day of peaceful, natural exploration where the baby naps and dinner is served (direct from the garden) at six followed by a calm and quiet evening and a restful night.
And this is where the disconnect comes, because my life and my days are likely just as topsy-turvy and full of mistakes as the next person. In reality, I usually get up after the twins and Dave because the baby's kept me up, if I can help it, I don't talk to anyone for the first 30 minutes and a cup of coffee (which I actually gave up 6 months ago - hah), this is followed by a sibling argument that lasts for 15 minutes and leaves me feeling dejected, then I work hard to get the baby to nap only to have her wake up 10 minutes later, and the day keeps going from there. In my home there are tears, rivalry, sleepless nights, dirty floors, piles of laundry, and all the rest.
But when I blog, I can ignore all those unpleasant, ugly, parts of life, (I mean - who wants to see pictures of my dirty house and grumpy kids?) and I can pull out those creative and lovely moments. In reality, this blog is not a place to inspire other people, it is a place to inspire myself. Here in this space I force myself to be better, to see things in the best light, and to marvel at every moment, even the ugly, tough ones. Here I am at my best, even when I'm at my worst. Because really this life we lead is pretty... darn... beautiful.
For all of you out there that read my words, thanks for visiting! I appreciate you more than I can say.
|This is me in British Columbia on a sailing/mountaineering trip with friends in 2005 - I look way cooler than I feel now!|